If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
