I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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