I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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