Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I just sharted jello shots
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