I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In other news, I just burned my penis
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
