Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
