when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Couch. On fire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
