Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
