She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
