Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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