Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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