I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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