if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
