How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
