I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
