sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
