I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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