Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.