And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
