like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
