Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
