I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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