i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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