The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
