dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
