arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
