it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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