I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?