I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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