I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
