I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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