From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
