He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
