im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
