Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????