My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dating After Heartbreak
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.