You're so nebulous sometimes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.