Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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