Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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