life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
