Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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