ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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