oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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