I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
