I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
