Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
