Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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