So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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