i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
