if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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