508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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