I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
