Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
