Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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