I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
