I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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