Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i already hear my dad disowning me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
