Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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