I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize