I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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