we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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