my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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