thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
