if you like me you must not know who I am
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
