There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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