Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
