420 ftw
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
