Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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