why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
